As a writer, presenter and podcaster, Gemma Styles has built a loyal audience by speaking honestly about mental health, wellbeing and modern life. Now she’s navigating another life-changing chapter: motherhood.
In this exclusive interview with Absolutely Mama, Gemma shares what life has been like since becoming a mum, the joys and challenges of parenthood, and how her perspective has shifted. She also discusses balancing family life with her career, the importance of trusting your instincts as a parent, and the advice she’d pass on to other new mums.
Gemma Styles opens up about motherhood, family and life as a new mum
You wear a lot of hats: writer, advocate, mum, public figure. What does a “normal” day look like for you right now?
I’m very lucky that the base of my weeks are at home with my toddler, and fill up quickly with things like swimming lessons and play groups (with emails sneakily replied to behind the pram or a small person popping up on a laptop meeting). Most of the things I need to concentrate on weekly have to get done after bedtime, or for work outside of the house my partner might have to take time off. Like most people, we juggle.
You speak so openly about mental health — how has becoming a parent shifted your relationship with your own wellbeing?
That’s something I found quite tricky, especially at the beginning. I knew that looking after myself was important but in the moment the baby’s wellbeing was the only thing I could think about. Even my own eating was like – right, I’m breastfeeding, need to get some fuel in. In this stage, I know that looking after my own wellbeing is what’s going to allow me to be the kind of parent I want to be… which is still very child-focused but feels like progress! Realising that I want to be calm, well rested and demonstrate being kind to myself in front of my daughter is a good reason to prioritise my own wellness when I might have let it slide.
What’s one small mental health practice you rely on in the chaos of parenting?
I’ve really had to learn how to regulate my nervous system when my usual coping mechanisms aren’t available. I’m someone who ideally needs a lot of time on my own to decompress, which I understand is quite common with ADHD, but that’s harder to come by during long days with a toddler who no longer naps. Sometimes that means reducing sources of noise, sometimes it’s going for a pram walk – not just because a walk is good to clear your head for anyone but also because it reduces some overstimulation from being climbed on or touched just for a little while. And honestly… upping my stain removal game has made me more relaxed at times.
What do you wish more people were honest about when it comes to early motherhood?
How long “early” motherhood goes on for. Not to say people are dishonest about it but I think it’s hard to explain. I knew that it would be this all-encompassing, transformational time, but kind of expected to feel in some way “normal” after say six months, a year? Not ‘back to normal’ but at least settled. For me I feel like it took a good two years to feel any sort of real return to myself. I’m not even sure what that looks like from the outside – I just didn’t feel like I had the headspace to think about myself in any proper way for such a long time.
You’re vocal about sustainability, how has that translated into your parenting choices?
I essentially try to make good choices where I can! I’m best friends with Vinted for kids clothes and we love to hit up our local charity shops for things like books and toys. Now we’re out of the chewing-and-tearing stage, borrowing books from the library is a nice one to implement too and reduces new material purchases (as well as spending). Small things like keeping a box of kid-sized towels in the kitchen for wiping hands and faces after meals rather than reaching for disposable options. Trying to opt for items which have multi-stage usage or can have another purpose after the baby phase.
What does it mean to you to partner with a brand like Pura that’s trying to reduce environmental impact in such a practical, everyday way?
The thing about Pura specifically is that they’re so level headed about making positive choices. I don’t think it’s fair to preach to parents constantly as, especially with younger children, there’s so much that’s out of your control – it’s such an intense stage of your life. Pura is a nappy and wipes company but will speak openly about reusables, cloth nappies etc. while providing a cleaner option for disposable nappies and wipes that all but the most diehard parents will absolutely need at some point or another. They’re also making an impact on the way we deal with nappy waste in general by recycling nappies in Wales and continuing to campaign and fund trials to expand this service to more of the UK. During their latest trial in Bristol over 770k nappies were recycled kerbside from people’s homes and 100% of the participants said they’d recommend the service, which goes to show what a huge impact this could make around the country. It’s great to highlight the environmental impact of our waste but beyond that they’re really going out of their way to provide a solution. I’m really proud to work with them and hope I can help to push for this change.
Have you learned anything surprising through working with Pura about the impact of single-use baby products?
Aside from the environmental impacts I’ve learned a lot more about the content of many disposable nappies. Because their products have an impressive list of certifications and toxins that they’re free from it does make you think, wow, I didn’t realise this was a problem in many others. I’m a big advocate of progress over perfection (as well as practical solutions that make better choices easier) so toxin-free products, that are better for sensitive skin and also an easy switch? Sign me up.
What does a “win” look like for you at the end of a tough parenting day?
Recognising a tough day for what it is is a bit of a win, I think. In a season of life that can be overwhelming at times, being able to reset and move onto the next day, knowing that it could well be much better is an excellent thing to practice. Whether the next day is actually easier or I’m just in a better headspace to handle it is by the by.
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