Erica Loi, aka The Star Whisperer, shares an honest and heartfelt window into family life with her two boys, Edoardo (Edo) and Lupo. Living in south west London, Erica first began posting on Instagram as a creative outlet during maternity leave, but over time her page has evolved into something far more meaningful: a candid diary of motherhood, autism, resilience and joy.
Her eldest son Edo, now nine, is autistic and non-verbal, and through her platform Erica offers rare insight into the realities of raising a child with additional needs, from the challenges and misconceptions to the moments of unexpected magic that shape their family’s journey. We caught up with Erica to talk about motherhood, advocacy, travel adventures with her boys and why asking questions about autism is so important.
Erica Loi on motherhood, advocacy, and family travel
Can you tell us a little about your family and your boys?
We’re an “Italian” (I was born and bred in London) family of 4 living in south west London. My two gorgeous boys are Edoardo (we call him Edo) and Lupo. Edo is 9, autistic and does not speak yet whereas Lupo is 6 and speaks for himself and his brother.
What inspired you to start sharing your journey and using the name ‘The Star Whisperer’?
I’ve had to think about this as the truth is “the star whisperer” was plucked out of thin air. 10 years ago, while I was on maternity leave with Edo, I really missed that connection with every day life and I needed some sort of escapism into the “superficial” but so important (to me!) world of shopping and fashion. It started as a small business page as I was discovering so many beautiful baby brands but then as our journey evolved, with Edo’s diagnosis and all the trials and tribulations of raising a very special child, the page became a diary for me. I still consider it so and I often look back at what stage we were in this time a few years ago. And now when I look at the name “The Star Whisperer” I often wonder if that name was really plucked from thin air or if my subconscious knew something I didn’t. Edo adores trying to talk but often whispers as he’s learning to grow in confidence and of course he is my absolute star… so the name now means more than I could ever have imagined.
What have been some of the biggest challenges (and also the most surprising joys) with Edo’s journey?
Oh we’ve had some really intense and terrifying “stages” where I saw no end or way out. Edo has a larger than life character. He is so determined and strong willed. He does not ever give up. Wonderful, admirable traits… which sometimes get the better of him and send him into a frustrated, aggressive state because he isn’t able to conquer what he wants to achieve right there and then. Autism is not a superpower for Edo. It’s a total hindrance and a blocker, so in that respect, his autism is a constant challenge. But he always pushes through, fighting his way through life and surprising us each and every single day. He is the most charming and loving little boy with a heart of gold and he has made many friends (mostly adults!) already in his short life!
Are there any misconceptions about non-verbal autism that you would like to correct, or bring more awareness to through your platform?
I never even knew non verbal autism existed. In my ignorance, those 8 years ago when I had to research a topic I never imagined I would, I had no idea that there were people in this world that didn’t have the gift of speech. I think autism is such a complex discussion and what I try and do on my page is to allow for people to ask any questions they want. There is a lot of information and it’s one of those topics that needs a lot of sensitivity but with that it is also a topic that people are scared to ask about. There is a “brigade” of special needs parents that are very defensive and in some cases damaging because they don’t allow questions being asked about their kids. If someone asks a question using the wrong words they jump in defence rather than answering the question and advising what words are best accepted…I think in order to raise awareness, questions, questions and more questions need to be asked from our society who may not know anything about autism apart from the stereotypes you see in films. So please, ask me questions and never think you’re being rude, nosey or silly asking them.
Have there been moments where sharing your personal life on Instagram has felt challenging or too vulnerable?
Yes. More and more so as Lupo grows up. There’s a vulnerability of sharing any of your kids but one that you know may be helping to raise awareness is one thing… to show a child who is at school age and will lead an independent life is another and for that reason I’m hesitating to understand how I should carry on with the account as for the moment the two brothers are very close and Lupo plays an integral role in Edo’s journey. Would love any advice!
We love your family travel adventures. What are your favourite moments from this summer?
The slow, sunshine filled life. Both my boys thrive on no routine, family and endless “aperitivi” in the sunshine, watching the waves and indulging in snacks and iced teas! We’re very lucky to travel as much as we do and most importantly beyond lucky that Edo absolutely lives on a countdown to do so. Some autistic people can only survive on routine meaning travelling is an absolute no no so luckily we are not in this position.
I think my favourite moment from this summer was seeing Edo sit on my grandmother’s lap, kiss and cuddle her and give her undivided attention for many many minutes. She isn’t the most emotional of women but she quite literally melted and couldn’t stop talking about it for days. Seeing that side of Edo and how he can literally make people melt is really something.
How do you make time for yourself amidst the busiest of mum days?
Time for myself is when I’m home during the day, trying to work before the school runs begin. Work is not just work… it has been a ray of sunlight in moments when I could only see dark and it’s been the constant in my parenting life that has remained stable. I work in an industry where I can consider many people my friends and confidants so it is my escape in more ways than one. I also love cooking so if I’m feeling like I need space I generally get in the kitchen and cook something. The kids love to eat so if they see me cooking they tend to make themselves busy independently… I am also known to want to drive a good journey away at the weekends for a family walk so that I can switch off in the car.. this is what I call my “spa session” haha.
And finally, could you tell us about your perfect family day?
As simple and boring as this sounds, my perfect family day is the kids being in a good mood, regulated and happy. Without those three ingredients the most amazing of days just simply doesn’t work and everything just crumbles. That said, the beach generally is our trusted day out. We all adore the heat and the sea and the sand between our toes. I don’t bring much to the beach either apart from lots of snacks and water as I prefer the boys to use their imagination and find objects to play with while we’re there. That to me is a perfect day which I’d like to try and make a normality for us at some point in the future.
Read more motherhood interview here.
