Negotiating life very pregnant is a totally different thing to coping with the usual trials and tribulations.. hands up new mamas who remember any of the following..
1 Getting to work is a daily trial
Squeezing yourself into a jammed tube/bus/overground train at rush hour is traumatic enough when you aren’t the size of a small house. Now the daily overcrowding, death stares, escalators, and all the people running STRAIGHT AT YOU FOR NO REASON at seven thirty in the morning has become as demanding as a Tough Mudder. Twice a day.
2 Nobody wants you to sit down
Some people (men and, sadly, women too) will regularly ignore you on public transport by pretending they haven’t seen you. That is not good enough: where is the chivalry (you too sisters..)
3 Everybody wants to touch your bump, and feel for kicks
Complete or near strangers approach with alarming regularity.
4 In summer time, or anytime, 35 degrees is not an ok temperature for it to be
Hi there, all you normals, with your average-temperature bodies, complaining about sleeping through the summer heatwave. Try sleeping (and walking, bathing and dressing) wrapped in a winter duvet, with a cat kicking your stomach at regular intervals, and complain no more.
5 You are seized with the compulsion to clean in the middle of the night
Apparently this is the ‘nesting instinct’ kicking in, but it’s tough to style out regular 3am cupboard reorganisation sessions. Plus, it’s even less hours asleep, and sleep is a precious commodity for these last few weeks.
6 Food is your enemy
If you’ve avoided heartburn up to this point, congratulations! There’s no avoiding it now. Yes that pizza looks great; that pizza is your best friend; you’re starving! Until it gets inside you and works against you for the rest of the night. Turns out that pizza was your enemy all along.
Talking of which:
7 Your bladder is your enemy
Just made the long office trek to the bathroom, and all nice and comfy back at your desk? Yup. Do it again.
8 Your pelvic floor is your enemy
You’d never even heard of your pelvic floor eight months ago, and now you’re supposed to exercise it? You don’t have enough to worry about?
8 You will cry at anything
Happy things, sad things, and completely random, unexpected things make you well up daily. Don’t fight it. There’s no point.
10 You may become irrational, particularly around friends and family
I AM NOT BEING IRRATIONAL!
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