If you have ever found yourself nudging your partner at 3am only to hear, “They want you”, you are not alone. Night wakings often default to mum, even when there is another perfectly capable adult just inches away.
But what if we stopped assuming that babies need the same parent every time they wake? And instead we shared the load in a way that works for the whole family, not just the one running on the least sleep?
In Scandinavian countries like Denmark, parenting tends to be less about following strict rules and more about doing what works for your family. There is less pressure for things to be “perfect”, more trust in parental instinct, and a stronger emphasis on shared responsibility.
Read on to find out why this mindset can make those middle-of-the-night moments feel a lot less stressful.
Why Babies Don’t Need the Same Parent at Night
Babies need comfort, not one specific parent
One of the biggest myths around infant sleep is that babies will only settle for one parent, usually mum. In reality, babies are biologically wired to seek comfort, warmth and reassurance, not a specific person every single time.
Of course, if you are breastfeeding or the primary caregiver during the day, your baby may associate you with comfort more strongly at first. But babies are also incredibly adaptable. With consistency, they learn that other caregivers can meet their needs in different ways.
This philosophy is at the heart of Danish baby brand BIBS. Rooted in Scandinavian values and known for their stylish Scandi baby essentials, BIBS champions a more relaxed, intuitive approach to parenting, one that supports shared caregiving and takes pressure off parents.
Simple, familiar cues can help make those night-time handovers smoother. Using the same soothing tools, such as BIBS’ best-selling dummies, gives babies something recognisable to latch onto, regardless of which parent is offering comfort. For ways to make dummies and bottles work in your routine, take a look at our guide on breastfeeding and bottle feeding.
Shared nights mean better-rested parents and calmer days
Sleep deprivation does not just make parents tired. It can impact mental health, relationships, and confidence. When mum becomes the default night-time responder, the imbalance can quietly build, even in the most supportive partnerships.
Sharing night wakings, whether that means alternating nights, splitting the night into shifts, or responding based on who is closest, helps protect everyone’s wellbeing. And contrary to popular belief, it does not confuse babies or weaken attachment. What it does do is create a calmer household where both parents feel supported rather than stretched.
In Scandinavian parenting culture, rest is often treated as a family resource, not a personal luxury. The goal is not sacrifice, it is sustainability.
For many families, practical feeding options make sharing night wakings much easier. When both parents feel confident feeding and settling baby, whether with expressed milk or formula, having bottles that are gentle and intuitive can help. BIBS bottles, available in glass (often preferred for its natural feel) or polypropylene (PP) for convenience, are designed with a nipple that mimics the natural shape of the breast, so baby can feed comfortably no matter who is holding them.
For step‑by‑step help with bottle feeding, including paced feeding and positions, see our ultimate baby bottle feeding guide.
Babies benefit from bonding with more than one caregiver
Night wakings are not just about sleep, they are also moments of connection. When one parent always responds, the other can miss out on those quiet interactions that build confidence on both sides.
When babies are soothed by more than one caregiver, they learn flexibility, trust and resilience. For non-birthing parents especially, responding at night can be empowering, reinforcing that they are not simply ‘helping’ but equally carrying the parenting load.
In Denmark and across Scandinavia, this idea of shared caregiving is deeply ingrained. Parenting is not divided into primary and secondary roles, but seen as a partnership that shifts depending on what the family needs.
Consistency is still important though. Using the same bedtime routine and familiar comfort items, such as a BIBS soother that baby already associates with sleep, helps babies transition easily between caregivers without unnecessary disruption.
Letting go of “perfect” parenting
There is a lot of pressure on parents to do things the ‘right’ way. To respond instantly. To always have the answer. To be everything, all the time. But babies do not need perfection. They need parents who are not completely exhausted.
Scandinavian parenting philosophies often strip away the noise and focus on what works in real life. Sharing night wakings can mean a happier mum, a more confident partner, and a calmer baby.
Parenting does not have to look the same in every household. And babies do not need the same parent every time they wake. They just need someone calm, present, and ready to comfort them.
This is a Paid Partnership with BIBS
